Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
