so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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