I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
