what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
