He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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