I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
