maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
