After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
