maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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