enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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