Apparently you make a good broom.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
