a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
