I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
