I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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