bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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