Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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