Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I believe in your delicious
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
