May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
