She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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