he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
