I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
