yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
