I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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