My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
accomplished twins. life is a go
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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