tell your sister to shave her snatch
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
It's not a walk of shame if you run
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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