I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
