That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She even gives head with a lisp.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
