Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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