I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
