Apparently you make a good broom.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
