I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
