The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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