The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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