My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
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