they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
