3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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