Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I didn't shave. On purpose
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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