well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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