I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Me. At least after what I've been through.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
