I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
