this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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