this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
this hospital has no fireball
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
