a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
