oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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