ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
