Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
