I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
