what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
