My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
