If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
