i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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