i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
