we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
How naked do you want me to be?
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