apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
