Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
